Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
