dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize