very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
