i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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