Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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