so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
