Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
