New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
