I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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