My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
