i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When are your genitals available?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
