youre lurking in front of me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
