I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
