anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
