im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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