well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
