your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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