Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize