I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
