I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
