i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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