shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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