there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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