I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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