college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
