I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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