My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
