just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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