Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
