u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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