well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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