Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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