You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
