That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
