K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
