I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
