i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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