That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
