no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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