i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
