We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
