I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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