i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
