So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
where are my eyebrows?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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