"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
