Swine flu. Run for my life!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
