you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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