Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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