feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
