If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
