i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
