Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
