i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
