are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
