Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
