I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
