Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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