I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
