so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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