We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
