every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
