I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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