My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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