Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
