the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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