Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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