I smell stomach acid.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
