Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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