Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
