everyone is single if you try hard enough
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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