My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
