Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
