It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
