I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
