a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
