you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
