You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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