Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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