I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
now i know why i became what i already was.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
