he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No subtext here. People are naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
