I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
