My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
