He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
