The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
