hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
