I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
