i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
