well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
