Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
