we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
