She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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