Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
