Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
