You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
