Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
