Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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